There’s a meme that’s been popping up on my facebook feed recently, and it is one that breaks my heart. Not only does it sadden me, but the fact that it is being affirmed by fellow-Christians is what I find to be most disturbing. Its content is as follows:
I’m at the point in life where I don’t care about losing friendships or relationships.
I don’t even speak to some of my family, and it doesn’t bother me one bit.
People come and go.
I’m not here to chase anyone or beg for friendship and loyalty.
If you feel me and we vibe, then that’s what’s up.
If not, then it is what it is.
Seriously? Am I the only one who sees the selfishness and the totally un-Christlike attitude of this statement?
If you have reached the point where you can walk away from family members and friendships without being bothered by the fact, then I fear for you. I really do. Because to reach a point of such indifference can only make me wonder how deeply you have embraced hurt and are holding on to bitterness in your life.
Now before you begin your rant against me, please hear my heart. I realize some of you reading this post have had terrible things happen to you at the hands of those who should have shown you nothing but love. I’m not making excuses for behaviors of abuse or malicious harm inflicted upon you by people who preyed upon your youth or innocence. But the above statement does not directly address those issues. It is thrown out with what seems to me as a flippant attitude of “whatever.” A “If you’re not good for me, then why should I care about you?” air of selfishness and disdain.
If you allow people to so casually come and go in your life without a thought or care of repairing relationships, then what does that say about your own heart? Does it truly not bother you that family members won’t speak to you? Or that relationships are lost without fighting for them?
I know it can be hard to get along with siblings or parents or friends or really anyone who has walked up close with us for any length of time, but to hold on to those relationships should mean something to us. To pursue people with love and to opt to live peacefully with others should be a main goal of anyone who claims Christ as their Savior. Love is a central core to our make-up in the body of Christ. Indifference toward others should have no grounds on which to stand when we claim to follow Jesus.
Building and maintaining relationships is hard work, but it is also one of the most beautiful gifts we have been given this side of eternity. The gift of family and friendships and God-life breathing through each other, inhaling and exhaling grace and love and acceptance even through the pains of life is just that — a gift. Sometimes difficult to give, sometimes difficult to receive. But always a treasure.
Oh, I know it would be so much simpler if love came in forms that were easy to embrace — in the noble and pure and kind. But in reality, love shows up in the messiness of bruised knees and broken hearts and awkward caresses. Love stretches us to be kind to the loud-mouthed and offensive, to be grasped by dirty, little beggar hands reaching for help. Bankrupt souls clamoring to be noticed, desperate for attention.
Instead of protecting ourselves from the toxicity of relationships, what might happen if we determined to find love there instead? What if we were willing to look beyond the grime of beggar hands greedily grasping, and peer into the eyes of hurting souls? Would it change the way we see that difficult spouse or annoying sibling or unkind parent or caustic coworker if all were viewed as beggars for the love we carry within us?
Sometimes love cannot give back because its own pockets are empty. Sometimes poverty strikes out in anger. Or with indifference. But I pray we don’t join the masses of beggars. I pray we seek to become prosperous in God’s character traits, instead. Living to become wealthy in love so we can give it generously, even to ones who may never return the favor. Even to the ones who will squander our love with no thought of us or our own needs.
In a world where unconditional love is in short supply, may we link arms with Jesus and scatter it liberally. May we accept the weaknesses of others and overlook offenses more readily each day. May we overcome the irritability which often accompanies love-giving, by looking to the relentlessness of God’s own love to fill the gap. In both ourselves and in others.
Instead of pursuing only those who flow with the same “vibe” as us (What does that even mean?!?), how about we pursue love with all mankind. Let us love through the awkward moments when neither party knows what to say or exactly how to respond. Let’s offer a cup of kindness to dirty hands extended, hoping to grasp a bit of respite. And let’s DO care, more than a bit, as we allow grace to rise within our own hearts and hold back the flow of provocation. Let’s invite peace to override the temptation of removing our presence from the presence of others.
It is a selfish person who walks away from relationships without a backward glance, but those who belong to Father stand alongside Him waiting on the dusty path for prodigal’s return, patiently hoping for love’s remembrance to stir the heart. Steadfastly looking for opportunities to pour grace upon thirsty soul soil, and not being surprised when it is quickly soaked up and needs replenishing again and again.
Let us join the ranks of Christ-followers who stand with staying power to see each relationship through to the end, who continue to scatter love and gather others as we ourselves have been gathered. May we draw near to family and friends with loyal love found in the shadow of Calvary’s cross. I pray we overcome indifference as we move to the rhythms of Savior’s heartbeat prompting each act of kindness, no matter how small. May love move from a novel idea to an expected deed as we bind the wounds of hurting hearts. Standing firm, yet giving sway to the needs pressing upon us.
Step by step, may we discover love through the ongoing process of knowing and being known. Choosing to place ourselves at Savior’s service, even when it means walking into the line of fire. Making ourselves vulnerable and willing to absorb some hurt. Targeted for love’s sake so others may know His name when they encounter us.
Let us remember that though love may be difficult in the moment, its purpose is far-reaching and timeless.
Difficult will not last forever, my friend, but love will.
So with that in mind. here’s to a different meme . . .
Therefore if anyone is in Christ, he is a new creation. The old has passed away. Behold, the new has come! All this is from God, who reconciled us to Himself through Christ and gave us the ministry of reconciliation: that God was reconciling the world to Himself in Christ, not counting men’s trespasses against them. And He has committed to us the message of reconciliation. Therefore we are ambassadors for Christ, as though God were making His appeal through us. We implore you on behalf of Christ: Be reconciled to God. God made Him who knew no sin to be sin on our behalf, so that in Him we might become the righteousness of God. (2 Corinthians 5:17-21)